Emotions

I am left with so many mixed emotions and feelings today. We have witnessed everything from complete and total desperation to chaos and frustration to sadness, sorrow and aching hearts. Coming to a place like Haiti does that to you. It's a roller coaster of emotions.

Today we did two water stops with the Healing Haiti water truck. The first stop was in the middle of Jeremy Wharf. A small baby, no more than 12 months old, came walking up to me and instantly clinged to me. She smelt a little sour and a bit like urine, but I picked her up anyways. I carried her around with me as I tried to help control the water bucket line. While holding her, kids came up to me shouting "toilet" and told me to put her down. As I set her on the ground, all the kids started cleaning me up, washing the small feces mark on my shirt, and trying to make sure I was clean. I felt horrible letting the small child down and letting her fend for herself. I held her hand instead and walked around with her the rest of the time at the Wharf. She would not let me go. When I wasnt holding her hand, she was holding my legs or wrapping her body around mine. It breaks my heart to know how much she just wanted to be loved and touched, even by a total stranger. I dont know where her mother was or her family. I just knew that she was under my care for this precious moment. At the same stop I met a young girl that had breads in her hair with little alphabet clips. She took a clip out of her hair and put it in mine. It was the letter "z".. I told her it must stand for "Zanmi" (friend). She took a bobby-pin from my hair and I helped her put it in her hair. I had Fanfan tell her to keep that bobby-pin to remember me! I know I will keep that clip and never forget the impact these small "zanmi's" have had on my life. I had one of the Healing Haiti staff members translate what she was saying to me and she said something about wanting to come with me. She told our translator that she would go tell her mom that she is leaving with us. It broke my heart knowing that this young girl was so desperate that she wanted to leave with me, a complete stranger. This is one of the hardest things to deal with coming to Haiti. Children come out of no where. They come by themselves without any supervision or without their parents knowing where they are. Children as young as four or five are walking around caring for their infant brother or sisters. Its a total mind-bloggeling experience. At dinner several nights ago we had a conversation about this with our Haitian Mission Director. It's not that the parents dont love their children here, but it's a tough life. Parents are either apathetic because they are trying to find basic resources to keep their family alive or they are busy working (either at the home or at work). As Jean tried to explain it, if a child says to his mom "But mom, I am hungry.." the parent may respond with things like, "Go! I dont want to hear it!" or "Go find something to eat." It's like Maslow's Hierarchy of needs: Physiological needs come first (food, water, sleep) without this a person cant meet his or her needs for safety and shelter nor their need for affection, love and emotion. From personal experience of being "starving" during my eating disorder, I know how apathetic and emotion-less you become when you can not satisfy the need for food. Being undernourished has a huge impact on relationships and work functioning.

Our next water stop was in City Soleil. It was at this stop that you could really see the desperation come to life. You could see the frustration and the cry for help from these people lined up with their buckets to receive life saving water. It was unbelievable how long the line was by the time the water truck was tucked away in the alley. People gathering with buckets stalked four, five, six.. buckets high. Children grabbing you as you try to make your way through the alley full of people and buckets. We eventually got the water hose running and we knew immediately that this was going to be a very difficult stop. CHAOS. People everywhere trying to sneak their bucket in the line..trying to not be the last bucket. Fear of being the last bucket in line when the water the in the tank is gone. No one wants to be the one left without any water. Part of you feels pain and sorrow for these people, but the other feels frustrated that they can not follow the system. Fighting started breaking out and we shut the water off before anyone got hurt. Maxim, our big Haitian water truck staff, got out amongst the chaos. Out of now where he starts breaking up the fight and threw two buckets on top of a roof. Don't mess with the system or you will be punished. We all were heated from the chaotic mess as we headed back to the taptap. Mixed emotions began to settle in as we could see people disappointed that they wouldnt be getting water today. We try our best to understand the desperation and the fear these people face.. we probably would be fighting to get our bucket towards the front of the line. However, order and cooperation are necessary in order to assure safety and fairness for all. It's a tough job.

After seeing this chaos, we headed to a different part of Cite Soleil to visit our friend Woodman's family. We were able to tour their small home in Cite Soleil and to meet his grandma, mother, brothers, and nephew. It was such a pleasure to be able to see inside a home in City Soleil.

Our last big adventure for the day was visiting the home for the sick and dying adults (teenagers and up..). It was my first time going to this place, but wow was I in for a surprise. The thought of going to this place to rub lotion on sick and dying people made me feel a little uncomfortable. When we entered one of the rooms filled with about 20 ladies, majority of our mission group were uncertain about what to do or how to start. I felt a little anxiety spread over my body. I looked at the lady closest to me and asked if I could put lotion on her. She only wanted it on her legs. I squirted lotion in my hands and looked at the rough flaky skin on her. I have never seen someone so dry. I rubbed my hands up and down her leg, rubbed the lotion in her skin, and watched as the rough patches on her legs began to glisten and soften with the palms of my hands. "Merci" she said to me. I went to a small little lady near the door. She was so tiny. My assumption was that she was wasting away. It really shook me up inside and brought me back to my roots of my eating disorder. I sat there rubbing lotion into her skin and wishing I were able to speak more with the women. (language barrier). My third lady was in the corner of the room. She, like the rest of them, had very dry skin. Once I had completed her whole body- arms, legs, stomach- she pointed to her feet. I hate touching feet. I pumped lotion into my hand and smoothed them over her feet. I rubbed the soles of her feet realizing how thick, yet how smooth they were. Most people don't wear shoes here so I expected her feet to be full of dead skin, worts and other disgusting things, but instead her feet were precious. After the room was completed, we moved to the next room.

It was in this next room that I really felt moved. I instantly connected with a lady in the corner of the room. She looked older from afar, but up close she looked to be about 30 or so. Her face was absolutely beautiful. Her long eyelashes, her beautiful facial features, and he smile. She was breath taking like an angel. Beyond her beautiful face was a body wasting away. She was pure bone, little muscle, and lose skin. As I smoothed lotion all over her body- chest, arms, and legs- I could hear her let out tension in her body. I felt like a message therapist as I messaged her hands, her feet, and her legs. In creole, she asked if I could do her back. I agreed and watched her frail self lift her body out of bed and carefully turn over. She was so weak with little muscle left on her frame. Her back was all bone and skin.. a sight nearly unbearable. After I finished soothing her in lotion, I kissed her on the cheek and said "God Bless You." It was so surprising how much I actually enjoyed our time with the sick and dying. I actually started to enjoy rubbing down their skin, soothing their dry skin, and nourishing their need for human touch and love. Many of these people are left to be taken care of in a room packed with other sick and dying men/women all lying on beds in rows. It was almost a scene from a war movie. Many of the people have little visitors or family to comfort them. Imagine being left alone to die in a room with complete strangers.

Amazing Strength

I wish there was an easier way for me to explain to people why I love Haiti so much. Seeing pictures, watching videos, and reading my blogs, facebook posts, and messages can only relay so much of the love and energy that is felt in a country, such as Haiti. As hard as I try to help others to feel the energy and spirit of Haiti, I can never capture the perfect angle or the full senses of Haiti. Simply being here and experiencing the captivating sense is the only way in which someone will be able to understand what a place like this does to you. The smell of burning garbage; poverty spreading across all the country; tents, garbage, dust, and people on every corner; the taste of sweet mango and Haitian rice and beans; the sound of honking horns, children singing praises, and the wind speeding past you on top of the mountain; the touch of a small child as they grab your hand or hold onto your shirt; the spirit, energy, and faith of people that have lost everything from their homes, families, jobs and materialistic possessions, but still turn their heads to the sky and shout songs of praise. No one can ever capture the spirit of this sacred place.

Today we had many blessed encounters as we made around Haiti. Our first stop was the Elder's School near Cite Soleil. It is a private school in which over 700 children attend. An unbelievable large number of students crammed into a small building with only about 10 classrooms. In Haiti, all schools cost money to attend. With the help of Healing Haiti over 1,000 children are able to attend school (Healing Haiti Sponsors 3 schools).

After seeing the school, we made our way to the mass graves where dead bodies from the January 12, 2010 Earthquake were thrown into a large pile on the mountain. Over 300,000 people died.. even more injured and left homeless. The memorial area is beautifully set up. Walking through the grave filled with hundreds of black crosses, one can not possibly understand what kind of turmoil and devastation this caused a country that already faces so much Hardship. One can not help but wonder why the Haitian people love God so much. How can they not think that God hates them, resents them, or is punishing them? They live day after day trying to find enough to survive.. life is already so hard here and the people work so hard to get by. Adding natural disasters on top of it... How can they still lift their hands in prayer? How can they still turn to God and say " We love you Lord." There is a lot to be learned from these people.

On our way to visit Grace Village, we drove passed a scene in the middle of the road. The UN set up cones and were controlling traffic. It was an unusual set up in the middle of the Haitian freeway. I looked ahead to see what was all the commotion. I saw a small figure laying on the side of the road and as our taptap drove closer to the scene, the object became more clear. It was a man. He was laying dead on the middle of the road with his arms stretched out to the sides, his legs nearly out of their sockets, and his head completely damaged. It was an awful sight to have witnessed. As our taptap fled past the scene, we all shouted "Oh my God." and the car became completely silenced with prayers, tears and shock. To think what that man's family's reaction will be when he does not come home today... I ask God to bless that man, his family and his friends.

Following our visit to Grace Village, we met Mary Alice. A middle aged, Haitian woman that lives on the mountain near Grace Village. As we moved toward her little yellow house (thanks to my aunt and those at Kellar Williams), we could hear shouts of praise and worship. We were arriving during prayer and were instantly welcomed into the home. Mary Alice was hosting an open prayer for people in the area and they all began to pray for us, for Healing Haiti, and all those that come to serve their people. I could feel the power, the energy, and the Holy Spirit moving throughout the room. It was an overpowering feeling. My eyes began to fill with tears as I realized how much strength and love for Christ this lady has. Mary Alice is a woman of great strength. Recently, she lost her husband and family. She moved towards the mountain to be closer to God and her family in heaven after she had received a calling from God. Simply just being with Mary Alice, you can feel God's presence. It is amazing. After she prayed over us and we greeted those around us, I hugged her tight. I held her for several moments and then kissed her cheek. She had moved me and touched me deeply today.

Following our visit with Mary Alice, we went to visit another Haitian with great faith. We met one of the elderly woman sponsored by Healing Haiti. Typically, people don't live passed the age of 50 in Haiti, so Healing Haiti sponsors several of the oldest people still living. She was such a sweet, old lady with a tiny voice. She was so fragile and delicate, yet so strong and bold. It was such a pleasure and grace to meet her.

We also go to spend several hours with Yvon's orphanage. It was such a pleasure to be able to engage with the kids in crafts. I took on the role as face-painter and made the children into tigers, and painted glasses, butterflies, and hearts on some of them. Even the boys wanted hearts and butterflies--they didn't care! They all were so excited to get anything painted on. Some of the kids would squirm or giggle as the paint brush stroked across their face. It was cute!! Before we parted for the day, the Fanfan led the kids in a music melody of English Christian music. I love these kids so much-- their love and energy for God is unbelievable. Their love for each other and the guests at their home is always so prominent.

There is something to be learned from these people.

More photos from our trip:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.1842675468014.2092434.1274400099&l=86a85deba6

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.1838012831451.2092208.1274400099&l=2d8ae9b30a

Beach Day….Yep, Still a Hugger

Yesterday we got to travel out of Port-au-Prince to Gilliam's orphanage about 45 minutes by car. Once we maneuvered through the streets of Port-au-Prince we actually found a good road. The highway north of the city that runs along the Caribbean Sea. Even though it was a great road there were still many "Haitian Speed Bumps" along the way. In the U.S. we call them pot holes. I jokingly call them "Haitian Speed Bumps" as they truly cause all traffic to slow down—sometimes to nearly a full stop due to their width and depth.

Jean, our director for Healing Haiti, had arranged for a bus to travel to the orphanage with us. To my understanding in order to hire the bus, Jean had to meet the bus driver at a gas station so the bus could be fueled up and Jean would pay for it. We caught up with the bus at the gas station. In typical Haitian culture, the bus was brightly decorated on the exterior with fantastic Caribbean colors, words of adoration and praise to God and Jesus and paintings of people. We think it might be a bus that would be hired for a wedding as the scenes painted seem to depict marriage. On the bottom of the side of the bus were words like Love, Passion, etc…all in Creole.

When we arrived at Gilliam's Orphanage we were created in typical fashion by throngs of smiling, joyous kids! We walked into the courtyard of the orphanage and all the kids were wearing tie died t-shirts that they made last week with the mission team when they visited them. The lined up in a semi-circle and sang for us. It was beautiful and they all sang with the loudest of voices.

After the songs Gilliam had the kids line up from the shortest to the tallest—40 in all. The 2 shortest of the group were 2 of the cutest little girls. They then marched in line out to our wedding bus. I climbing in first and moved toward the back, immediately 2 of the smallest boys jumped into the seat with me—1 in my lap and the other on my side. The little boy on my side grabbed my arm and had me put it around him and pull him close. That's how we rode the entire 1 hour trip out to the beach. Near the end both fell asleep 1 on top of the other. It was so cute!

The kids continued to sing most of the way to the beach. Now it's hard to describe how the bus is. It's not a bus in our traditional sense of a bus. It's a bus, but it's more like wooden bench seats mounted on the back of a long diesel truck with a canopy over it. The overall room from the floor of the bus to the ceiling is probably no more than 4 feet. There were 10 rows of 2 sets of seats with an aisle in the middle. Each bench seat was no more than 3 feet long. We packed 40 kids, 5 adult members of the mission team and Gilliam and Noel from the orphanage in to the bus. Oh, and I had a burlap sack filled with sugar cane that some pushed through the window just before we left the orphanage at my feet. Cramped, crowded, hot and full of vibrant singing children.

When we arrived at the beach it was beautiful! The beach front is private and there's a gate with a guard to enter. You pay to enter and for the 40 kids and 9 adults it was roughly $350 U.S. We were able to occupy the only shelter house on this beach to set up for the day. AS soon as we set our cooler and boxes of food down, the kids were changing into their swimming clothes—the boys all had shorts and white tank tops and the many of the girls the same—certainly made it easier to keep track of them all. Our job was then to create the human line to prevent the kids from getting out too deep. For some of the kids it was the very first time they had not only played in the ocean—it was the first time they had ever seen it. The joy on their faces is indescribable. They ran and jumped and played and ran and jumped and played for nearly 2 hours before we had to slow them all down long enough to eat lunch.

After lunch they were all back in the water for another 2 hours. I don't know about the kids but all that time in the water certainly had me wiped out and sleeping well last night. In fact I was so tired I believe it was the very first night I snored on this trip. (some of you reading this won't believe me…. J)

One last note from the beach…we (the mission team) was a tourist attraction! What I mean by that is that as soon as we got the beach, there were a number of UN Peacekeeping forces on the beach. They were in full uniform complete with helmet and machine guns. They all wanted to have their pictures taken with the pretty women on the team and then they wanted their picture taken with Craig and me. Throughout the morning they were coming to our area of the beach and asking for more pictures. It was funny and they were all very nice. There were 3 groups of soldiers there—1 group from Nepal, 1 group from Brazil and the other from the country of Georgia.

As the afternoon ended, we had to load up and head back to the orphanage. Once again the kids lined up from shortest to tallest and then marched to the bus. I chose to ride back in the back of our tap tap (our Healing Haiti truck) so I could see some of the countryside. I'm glad I chose that as it seemed to be a different world than what we see in Port-au-Prince every day. The hillsides were lush and green, there were fields and fields of plantain groves. We saw a funeral process on our trip back as well. It was a line of people, all dressed in black and white marching along the roadside to the cemetery just at the edge of the town. There was a brass band leading the processional followed by the 2 coffins of whomever had passed away.

When we arrived back at the orphanage we were given a tour. We saw the girl's room first, then walked through the room that in the summer serves as the dining room and then we saw the boy's room. When Jeff, founder of Healing Haiti, found this orphanage none of the children had beds. Instead they slept on mats on the floor of the rooms. Today they all have bunk beds with foam mattresses. Healing Haiti did a fundraiser to be able to buy the bunk beds for the kids. They did it by asking everyone back in the U.S. to donate just $25 and by finding 100 to do so—these wonderful children now have bunk beds and now longer sleep on the floor. It was a great example of how a small number of people can donate just a small amount of money and have a HUGE impact in the lives of so many wonderful children.

We arrived back at our mission house just after 6:00 p.m. Tired, a little sunburned and as always, hot and sweaty. It's at the end of days like this that the lack of hot water makes no difference when you step into the shower. I long cold shower felt incredible!

Last night we had a dinner guest. It was Woodeman Joseph, a young man I will attribute to me making this trip. I met Woodeman when he was a guest of Darlene Colwell-Ellis in Dover, New Hampshire earlier this year. Darlene is a Keller Williams agent who attended my BOLD class in Portland, Maine in January and February of this year. Woodeman came to visit her and sat in on 3 of the days of class. He and I had a chance to sit during lunch and visit. I was able to learn a little more about Haiti and the challenges the people here face. Between meeting Woodeman coupled with the conversations I'd had with Paulette Carroll I knew coming to Haiti was something I needed to do. I'm very in tune that when God brings people into my life with messages I'm learning to listen to them and take action. This trip would be an example of that.

Woodeman speaks very good English and works as an interpreter for an organization called Partners In Development. He's also an entrepreneur and is working on creating businesses for himself. We had a chance to visit before dinner. I shared with him there was no way I could truly appreciate the challenges he faces working to start a business here in Haiti until I've actually seen the country. I now have some understanding of the difficulty anyone faces.

To share an example of this, Woodeman and I had been communicating via e-mail about a business idea he had to start and Internet Café. He shared with me his business plan including the needed equipment and start up budget. It looked like something I could help him with financially and it was a plan that made sense on paper. He then began to search for a space to rent for the café. It wasn't possible to find a storefront to do so. I couldn't understand that until I got here…store fronts don't exist in most of Port-au-Prince. Almost all commerce is conducted under make shift tents and lean to's in front of the rubble of the buildings that used to be the store fronts. An internet café couldn't survive exposed to the elements and dust of the streets of Port-au-Prince.

Jean had picked Woodeman up where the tap tap he rides brought him to the center of the city. After dinner I road with them back to that spot. It was just after 8 p.m. and it was dark outside. In Haiti, dark outside means dark outside. There's very little electricity available and as we drove through the streets of the city toward to the center, the only light I saw was from the headlights of the pickup truck or an occasional candle lighting a table of a vendor. Even though it was nearly pitch black, the streets were still teaming with people! This short ride was a completely different experience from the daylight trips through the city.

We got Woodeman back to the pick-up spot just as the last tap tap of the day was leaving for his area of the city. He was able to get on and we headed back to the house. Along the way I was able to question Jean on some of the Haiti questions I had. First, I asked if the streets were in such poor shape because of the earthquake in 2010. He laughed and said everyone asks that question. Apparently the streets in Port-au-Prince have been the same since they were put in. As Jean explained it there was no "master plan" for the development of Port-au-Prince. As a landowner decided to create lots he or she would simply plot the land and leave a space for a road. These roads truly remind me of the field road on my parent's farm…rutted and rocky where you could only move comfortably over them at the speed of a tractor. What's odd about the streets, however, is that every once in a while there will be 1 block where there's beautiful curb, gutter and asphalt—just for that 1 block and then back to normal.

We ended the day with Salsa Dance lessons from Jean. He's an incredible dancer and cleared space in the kitchen to teach those of us with enough energy left to learn the basic steps. I now know the Mambo, Cha Cha and Merengue….dancing with the stars look out!

Love is Here

Can you even imagine walking to work on a long road with hundreds of beat-up cars, top-top (taxis), and trucks speeding past you? As you look down at your black suit coat and see that it is no longer black, but is now grey. You have been attacked by a dust storm created by the vehicles on the road. The dust on your hands and face began to mix with the sweat from the beating sun above you, and the dirt drips down your face and your palms are wet with a clay like sweat. Your mouth feels dry and foamy as you realize you are extremely thirsty and the dry heat around you is not making things any better. You haven't had anything to drink for a day, but continue on...

Can you even imagine having to decide every day if you should spend 40 cents on a bucket of clean water when your budget is only $1/ day? (Water costs 40 cents for 5 gallons of water, and most people make less than a $1 per day!) Do you go one day without water so you can afford enough food for the family? Do you go without water so that you can afford to send your child to school (school is not free here. There is no public school system like in the U.S.)? How are you ever going to afford to have surgery for your infant with an infect hernia, or afford your oldest child to see the dentist for his cavity? How are you ever going to have enough money to purchase toothpaste, clothes, or new shoes.. there never seems to be relief or aid to get even the basic necessities for life.

Can you even imagine playing jump rope with an old beat-up string that is covered with dirt? You find a safety pin or even a nail in a pile of garbage pile near your house and you flatten it out to make a knitting needle. You will use this to knit a new blanket once you are able to afford some yarn. Throughout your adventure you find a long string and a plastic wrapper. You tie the end of the string tightly to a hole ripped through the plastic wrap and let the wind sweep your new kit off the ground. Surprisingly, the kit flies with such grace through the big blue sky above you.

Can you even imagine living in a tent city that has very little lights and your neighbor's tent is literally a foot across the alley? You have been living in the tent for over a year and a half and finally have a designated areas for the bathroom and showers (because in the beginning, these were simply your backyard).

Can you even imagine having to go days without a shower or if your lucky, taking a bath in a stream filled with dirty water and garbage?

These are just some of the many things my eyes have witnessed over the past few days. While my eyes have seen such tragedy and devastation, I am still awe stuck by these people. Two buddies in city soleil giving each other a "man" hug with big grins on their faces. Kids chanting "God is so Good" in the mist of the poorest and most dangerous city in the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. A grown man saving his friend part of his snack even though he may not have another bite to eat that day. A courtyard filled with children chanting prayers even though they are orphans that lost their parents or were dropped off simply because their family couldn't afford to care for them.

..It simply amazes me to find such love for each other and for God in a place were everyone is simply just trying to survive.

Haiti Day 3- Orphanages and the Wound Clinic

Today was a hotter, muggier day than yesterday. It was also the day we planned to be inside at 2 different orphanages and end the day helping out at a wound clinic run by a group of nuns.

The morning started just after 7 a.m. with a home cooked breakfast prepared every day by our houseman, Jean Fils-aime. He’s a wonderful cook although he is helped out by Fournais. Today’s menu was French toast, scrambled eggs with onion and peppers. There was oatmeal and plenty of fresh fruit. The highlight was truly the fresh squeezed lime juice that Fournais prepared for us this morning.

With our bellies full we packed out day bags. Fresh water is an essential while we are out in the heat of the day in Haiti. I filled 2 water bottles from the fresh water container. Then I packed 3 packs of beef jerky donated by Jack Links through our team member Ann Marie who’s ad agency represents them. They are a huge hit with the mission team as well as our local staff.

It was then off to our first stop, an orphanage for the sick and dying children. This orphanage is run by a group of Nuns and was truly an incredible morning. This orphanage cares for infant children who come in very sick as well as serving as a care center and orphanage for children up to about age 10. Our job, either hold the infants and care for them or go upstairs and spend time with the toddlers and young children.

I chickened out on holding the babies and was the first team member to head up the stairs to the toddler floor. The moment I hit the top of the stairs I was barraged by the group of children. It’s hard to describe how the children react to anyone coming in to spend time with them. Not that the Nuns aren’t wonderful with the kids yet they have a huge task to perform each day and more children than any of us could imagine under their watch.

Let me describe the 2nd floor of the orphanage to give you a sense of how this all work. At the top of the stairs was a 12’x12’ landing. Off of the landing were 4 rooms. Each about 16’x16’ feet each with 3 of the 4 rooms with bathrooms attached to them. 3 of the rooms are filled with metal cribs. These 3 rooms are divided by age as to what children are in which cribs. The 4th room is a play room. Here’s the first spot where my heart sunk this morning. The playroom had 2 toys-a small plastic rocking horse and a little sitting bench. That was it for the 20+ children who lived on the 2nd floor.

The first little boy to grab on to me was named Antoine. He was probably 2 ½ years old. He didn’t speak although that wouldn’t have mattered much because my Creole is limited to about 3 words. Antoine clung to me for over 2 hours today. It was a game of rotating toddlers for me this morning. I sat on a bench on the landing and at most points in time there were anywhere from 4-6 children crawling on me in various ways. It was exhausting! And yet I didn’t feel anything but being blessed to see the smiling facing of these wonderful kids! Many had extended stomachs due to malnutrition. Some were here for other reasons.

In fact some of the children are at this orphanage as a means to be treated for sickness where they can’t be otherwise. With these cases, the parents are allowed to visit the children from 9-10 a.m. each morning. At 10 a.m. a bell is rung and the parents have to leave. That’s the 2nd time my heart sank today. As the parents left their children the children cried and cried and cried. In fact the whole building seemed to cry for about 10 minutes---except for the pack of kids hanging on me. I was sitting on a bench in the playroom at this time. Then 1 of the little boys whose parents had just left sat on the end of the bench with the saddest face. He looked up at me and I reach out and pulled him to my side and held him alongside me for about ½ hour. He was the greatest little boy. Very quiet. Very respectful of the nuns. He had quickly learned the routine of the orphanage as well. Here’s what I mean by that.

At about 11:30 the nuns pulled the 3 sitting benches out from the walls and started placing metal plates out filled with rice, beans and some chicken. The nuns filled the plates in 1 station then gave the command and each of the children went to 1 corner and pulled out tiny plastic chairs that were stacked next to the stairwell. There was a girls table, a boys table and the 3rd bench was for the very small children. They all took a seat, the nuns set the plates in front of each of the children and they sat and waited. Once all the children had their plates and a spoon the supervising nun had all the children stand up and they prayed. It was amazing to see how regimented and fairly well behaved these kids were at that moment. With that many kids and 3 Nuns supervising it had to be that type of system.

Part way through the morning the Nuns handed out hard boiled eggs to the children as well. I was front and center for that as she did this in the play room where I was sitting on a bench with my child mob. I watched as the Nun cracked and peeled each egg as the children stood around here. For each child it might be something different some children she gave the entire yolk to, some got ½ of the egg, some got a whole egg. Each child seemed to get precisely what was needed for them based on age, size and health. At the end she even knew which of the 20 plus children hadn’t gotten an egg and made sure they were fed.

Noon came far too quickly although I was wringing wet with sweat for the physicalness of the kids all morning. It was an exhausting, heart-warming morning.
We then traveled to Gertrude’s Orphanage for Special Needs Children. The minute we walked through the gate we were greeted by all the smiling faces of the children in this orphanage as well. We came to the orphanage just before their lunch time so we had the opportunity to help feed the group here as well. This orphanage is for special needs children and the range of needs was vast. Many of the children are incredibly bright, spoke some English as well as Creole.

One little boy who looked to be about 3 grabbed my hand and asked me to push him on the swing set. As I pushed him he started humming. I started to hum with him and then he started to sing. His first song was Creole and as he sang a line I sang it back to him. He smiled with joy! We did the entire song in Creole this way. Then he began to sing “If You’re Happy and You Know It” in English. We sang the song the same way with him singing the first line and then I would repeat it to him. He then sang his “ABC’s” in English for me as well.

Our time ended quickly for us to head back to the mission house for 45 minutes of rest before our last stop of the day—the wound clinic.

The Wound Clinic is open 3 days each week. It’s located in an area near the center of Port-au-Prince. The trip there took us through the most devastation from the earthquake of 2010 we’ve seen so far on this trip. The entire area is crumbled and yet the lives of the Haitian’s continue. Instead of moving the rubble out, they’ve seemed to all set up shop in front of the crumbled buildings inching toward the center of every street. To drive through with our truck during the late afternoon was an adventure. We literally go the truck through the space between the shops set up on both sides of the streets in many sections of the trip.

We arrived at the Wound Clinic and the people were already lined up outside the building down the alley. The clinic is run by the same order who run the Orphanage from the morning. They are very efficient and it’s amazing to see how they dispense care from a little girls with an abscess on her chin, to a women with a C-section that had separated to what looked like a stab wound, they treated it all. Out in the alley a group of French volunteer was redressing bandages for scores of people.
The lead nun, discovering that most of us had no experience dressing wounds decided tonight was not the night to teach us. I was relieved to her that as I wasn’t too sure how I’d be redressing infected and some gangrenous wounds. Instead she put us to work sorting donations to the clinic.

My 1st job was pharmacy technician. There was a big bag of antibiotic capsules where the nun asked me to count out 15 and place them in an envelope folded out of magazine pages. I then placed the envelopes in a tray. Next to me in the back of the clinic is where the nun met with patients at the alley door and heard what was going on with them and then handed out prescriptions for the ailments. Some of the group sorted boxes of donations, trying to match up prescription to each other to create some sort of order for the Nun’s.

The clinic is only open for 2 hours they days they are in operation. They closed it around 5:30 tonight. At that time we loaded up our truck and headed back through the center city towards the mission home.

I can’t speak for the rest of the team but when we arrived home I was dog tired both physically and emotionally, sweaty and covered in dust. The cold water shower felt so good I stood under it for almost 5 minutes just letting the cool water hit me…..

First Day of Water Truck

Today was our first full day in Haiti. On the agenda--the water truck to deliver fresh water to a number of the neighborhoods in Cite Soleil. This is a huge and impoverish city with a population of somewhere around 200,000 people. Almost all living in tiny houses made of whatever they can gather.

It's also an area considered one of the most dangerous areas in the western hemisphere. Because of this no other water trucks will deliver water here. Not Healing Haiti. Their trucks deliver into Cite Soleil 6 days a week. This is the only way the residents of this area get fresh water.

We delivered 7500 gallons of water here today by making 3 trips from the water supply well to 3 different neighborhoods. As we arrived with the water truck, a 2500 gallon tractor trailer, our driver Maximus blew the airhorn. We turned the corner onto 17th the women and children were already lining up with buckets, pails and anything that could hold water. It was truly overwhelming and yet this occurs 2 times each week to each of these water stops. The truck backed in and the chaos began!

Here's how the system works. The 6" in diameter hose is hooked to the back of the truck. 1 person manages the hose, 2 pull the containers out to the side once filled as the hose is never shut off once it starts to run. Then the rest of the crew manages the line. Sounds simple, right? Not so much and here's where the overwhelm occured for me today. I ran the hose a fair amount. If I didn't get the container filled to the VERY top, the person in the line would kick it back to me demanding it gets filled to the top. At first I was annoyed when this would happen. Then I realized how important that 4" of water in the top of the container truly was to the family. 4" of water in the top of a 5 gallon pail could mean drinking water for someone in the family between now and the next stop at that water site in 3-4 days.

Each day on this trip we gather as a mission team and share our "Word of the Day". Today the word I chose was "perspective". Perspective on how important fresh water is to the life and health of the people I had the priveledge to serve today. 4" of water and what a difference that truly made.

Walking out to the oceanfront from our first water stop, past the piles of trash, some burning, some just rotting and decaying I truly got perspective. Each day we live our lives finding reason for upset. Upset for getting stuck in traffic or getting caught behind the slow person with coupons in the grocery store check out line. I know I'll remember the experiences of the water truck for the rest of my life.

----Darren

Organized chaos

We did three trips today with the water truck. It is so wonderful to see the kids come running to meet the truck. It truly is organized chaos trying to keep the line orderly and have everyone wait their turn for water. Thank the Good Lord we have a terrific group on our mission trip. Three new visitors to Haiti and four seasoned veterans made the trip this week. It was great to see the water truck guys after one year away. It is such an amazing place with such amazing people. We delivered 7500 gkallons of clean water today. I keep asking the Lord to open my eyes and heart to the needs of those around me and let me do his work.

Transition

Monday-- was such a difficult and interesting day as the mission teams were transitioning. My first group packed up their bags and I could feel the emotions for each one of my teammates. Excitement to go home and see family and friends that had been missed, but sad to leave a place that they were now able to call home. I wrote each member of my group a personal message about how I saw them open up here in Haiti and that I hope they continue to grow into the children God is calling them to be. I hate goodbyes sometimes and was exhausted from the week, so I hugged them all as they left and didn't see them leave at the airport. Instead, I stayed back and had some alone time to regroup before the next mission team made their way in to Haiti.

During my afternoon of transition, I started to feel like family here at the Healing Haiti Mission home. It was so neat to see the background activities happening as the next group was planning to arrive in a few hours. Fanfan wanted to go get an ID picture taken, so I told him to get all "dolled" up. Next thing I knew, he was in the back of the house using a small razor and hand held mirror and was shaving the hairline on his head. It was funny to walk-in on him! I helped him to get the perfect hairline and before we knew it-he was on his way to get his picture taken! I stayed back and journaled for a bit. Then washed up some grapes and brought them out to the patio to share with Junior and Michael. While eating grapes, Junior told me that fruit is really expensive in Haiti and that he once bought it for his sweetheart. From my understanding, fruit is a delicacy item and someone will purchase it for their love as a sign of their affection. Wow. Being the nutrition person that I am, I was really interested to learn about the cultural significance of food items.

Before we knew it, Fanfan, Junior and myself were piling in the top-top to go pick up the next mission team at the airport! It was interesting being on the "other-end" of the mission group this time. I got to see the experience of the airport from the Haitian staff's eyes! Fanfan, Junior, and myself waited for the team for about an hour. As we waited by the gate, I sat with the guys on the bench and practiced creole and talked with them about the Haitian culture. People around us laughed as I struggled to speak the language with fluidity like the rest of them. I couldnt help but laugh too as I knew how silly I probably sounded to them. While sitting there on the bench, Junior goes, "You know what I like about Healing Haiti.." he turned to look at me, "You come to help my people. You bring them water. You play with the kids." He explained to me all the aspects that he really liked, and he specifically told me how he liked that we let dirty kids touch us and that we play with them. It was really soothing to hear that our mission work here is appreciated by the Haitian people themselves. After my first mission trip here, I really caught myself questioning mission work in general, but I think the mission of Healing Haiti is awesome in the fact that we are able to employe Haitian staff and help them also help their own people. I told Junior that he was also helping the people through the mission because we couldn't get to the places we need to without his help. We wouldn't be able to speak with the Haitian's without Junior or Fanfan. We wouldn't be able to go into City Soliel without the water truck drivers or do any of our daily activities without our Haitian mission director, Jean. I helped Junior to see the significant role he also played in the mission and how he was helping his own people by helping us. I also helped explain to him that without the Haitian people we would be instilling our American culture on these kids and these people. While the American lifestyle may appear ideal to many, it is not Haitian culture. The way we build homes in MN would not work down here in Haiti. Haitians know what kind of materials work best for their climate. The same goes for so many other things that work here and that is why it is so important that we try to preserve as much culture as we can through the relief that we provide. This conversation really helped me to value our staff even more. After having been here for several days and have gotten to know these people even better than my first mission trip to Haiti, I feel a sense of deeper connection with all of them. They are starting to feel like family to me; like my Haitian brothers.

It was fun to see our new mission team come off the plane and out of the gates. They all looked excited to be here and to start experiencing Haiti! I felt a wave of energy come over me and felt ready to roll again. This week will be another adventure: new people, new activities, and a million different lives that have the potential to be touched.

First day in Haiti

There is so much to say and I've only been here since 3pm today. The day started bright and early at 3am... I got to the airport at 4:15am and was immediately greeted by my team. After saying goodbye to my family, it was off to Miami! I felt very calm and excited, specially since I was with such an amazing group of people. Once getting into Miami, we met up with our last team member, ate some lunch and boarded the plane to Haiti. Getting into Port Au Prince was more then I even imagined. I expected to see just dirt and brown grounds, but to my surprise there were many trees and green lands. The mountains were breathtaking!

The airport in PAP was extremely overwhelming. There were people everywhere trying to help you with you bags. Once we got through the mess, we met up with our mission director Jean and our friends Junior, Kristina and FanFan. We took the newly designed Top Top bus back to the house. In amazement our place was beautiful and so welcoming. Instantly I felt comfortable on this strange place and I knew it was only by the Grace of God. I could feel his presence in tanks place and most definitely in these wonderful people. Jean and the team made us dinner and we were off to the tent city. We were instantly surrounded by Many children that just wanted to be held. I picked up this little boy and he was instantly attached to me. He was so amazed by our flashlights. I felt so happy to be here with these kids.

It's amazing where the Lord takes you when he has a plan for you. I never thought in a million years I would have the opportunity to serve him in this way. I'm excited for this week and more excited to spend time with the children of Haiti. I have a good feeling about this week! ;)

Paulette Carroll

My name is Paulette Carroll. I am in the business of moving hearts and homes. This is my fourth trip to Haiti.

Upon returning home from my first trip to Haiti, I was filled with hope, determination and a drive to improve the horrific living conditions of this poverty-stricken country. My heart was broken wide-open by the precious faces of the beautiful children, the frail elderly, and the hard-working communities. I have never witnessed such open arms, loving hearts, smiling faces, tender touches, true affection and sincere appreciation just for showing up!

When I left Haiti, I left behind a huge piece of my heart! No matter what hope and happiness I was able to bring to the people of Haiti, it could never compare to the immeasurable love that I received in return!

Being realistic and realizing that our trip was just a very small dent in the vast scheme of things, I was determined to bring the awareness of Haiti back to the United States. In my real estate business, I made it my personal mission to raise awareness of Haiti to those that were more fortunate. For every home sold or bought, I make a personal donation to build homes in Haiti. With each return to Haiti I have brought along my business partners along with KW associates. My team of mortgage brokers, title companies, inspection companies are all on board to contribute to Haiti - "my big why".

I still am called to do more. On this fourth trip to Haiti, I am excited to bring new people into our wonderful mission . They'll get to see and experience as I have the joy of the Haitian people -- their big smiles and their beautiful generosity. We have so many gifts in the United States. We don't even realize have much we have. But it takes no time to realize, that the people with nothing, these joyful Haitian men and women, are the ones who have the most to offer, and us, the ones with so much, have so little to offer to them.  Throughout our work, these new volunteers will see firsthand things they may have only heard of on the news or seen on the internet: the devastation of the Earthquake, the weak and malnourished babies, the decaying tent cities, and the daily struggle for survival. Through all of this, I hope to form new bonds, share my love of these wonderful Haitian people, and grow deeper in my faith. I am very excited for this next journey!

Jessica Larson

Hello my name is Jessica Larson. I am currently studying Nutrition (specifically Dietetics) at the University of Minnesota. This upcoming Fall will be my last year before graduating. I love people and I am very excited that this career lets me help those in need. I work as a Director of First Impressions at Keller Williams Classic Realty NW in Maple Grove and have become really good friends with our Leader for Haiti, Paulette Carroll.

Paulette has shared many stories with me about the times she went to Haiti and I have always been so moved by the work that is being done there. The love and passion to do God's work is something that drives me and after many months of praying, I realized my purpose in life is to share the Love of Christ by helping others in need. I knew that this would be the perfect opportunity to do just that! I have always felt a greater calling to do more in this life. God has blessed me with so much and I am so incredibly grateful!

I am excited to see where this Journey takes me for I know the Lord is leading me on this incredible path in life. The thought of giving all of me for a week to help the people of Haiti just doesn't seem like enough, but I know it's surely a start to something amazing. I pray that my heart will break in the way that God wants it to and that I can touch the heart of the Haitian people somehow by the Love of Jesus. I am looking forward to this trip and many more to come!

Anne Marie Rooney

Born and raised in Wisconsin with a quick stint in California after high school, I recently graduated from the University of Minnesota with a degree in Strategic Communications. I currently work at the Minneapolis advertising agency, Carmichael Lynch, and am enjoying learning a ridiculous amount outside of the classroom. 

My interest in Healing Haiti started with my friend Kristina, who took her first trip to Haiti in January, 2011. Through social media, I was able to keep tabs on her experiences via her blog and her photos, and what I saw and read touched my heart. Though I've always known that there are many people in desperate need all over the world, it never truly registered with me that I could really do something to change the lives of those who haven't been blessed with things that I take for granted everyday. The joy that Kristina described in the Haitian children's faces from something as simple as clean water or a hug made me feel incredibly grateful for what I have, and it made me want to meet and give back to these people who stay so positive with what little they have. I'm thrilled to be part of this trip, and I know that I will come out of it with a stronger spirit and appreciation for life. 

Craig Carroll

My name is Craig Carroll. I work at Sharing and Caring Hands, a local Minneapolis charity serving the region's poor. This trip will be my second to Haiti.

In July of 2010, my wife and I left for the poorest nation in the Western hemisphere on my first mission trip to Haiti. For me, having experienced poverty in the United States on a daily basis, I wanted to better understand  what poverty is like in the rest of the world compared to what we, in the U.S.A., think of poverty. One of the striking features of Haiti is their extreme joy. For people who have absolutely nothing, they have so much happiness. It's incredible. They're so happy to share even the little they own with strangers. They're simply joyous in having you there.

I firmly believe the more you go there, the deeper you see behind the facade of what's going on. The first time you're there, you're in shock by the way the living conditions are. You're not going beyond that. On my second trip, I hope to get deeper into the daily Haitian battle to get by. For me, it's going back to renew friendships (I am sad to even imagine the likely possibility that they may not be there), to strengthen our bonds, and open up to their lives. I am so looking forward to going back.

Melissa Carroll

Hi, I am Melissa Carroll. I am a registered nurse in the Twin Cities, and I hope to one day become a Family Nurse Practitioner. This will be my third trip down to Haiti.

The first trip I took to Haiti was in 2009 with the founders of Healing Haiti, Alyn Shannon and Jeff Gacek. We were part of the first mission groups through Healing Haiti. When I got there, I was really out of my element to the point of regretting my decision to leave the comfort of my home, family, and friends. But, the first day amongst the desperate and poor individuals of Haiti, I saw things I had only ever seen in movies. Things I thought could never exist. I was left shocked, sad, and with a breaking heart. At that moment, I knew God had sent me here for a reason. The work we did over the course of that week ultimately left me eager to return. I decided to return again but this time as a leader of a group of five individuals. Leading a group was challenge, but I was grateful to have had the experience and still cherish the bonds we formed on our trip.

I am returning to Haiti having experienced the poverty and the overwhelming emotions, yet I still am uncertain of the things I will experience, the emotions I will feel, and the ways in which my faith will deepen. The people of Haiti have a way of pulling you in, new and different, every time. This is especially true as I will be returning to provide check ups of orphans I have met before as a part of Grace Village. It'll be hard knowing that even with the donated medical supplies we have, we simply cannot help or heal every orphan that comes to us. Nevertheless, with the gifts that I have been given, I will continually seek to be the hands and feet of Christ. 

Kristina DeMuth

My name is Kristina, and I recently graduated with a degree in both psychology and nutrition (concentration in dietetics). I am a volunteer with a non-profit, eating disorder organization called The Joy Project and a missionary with a non-profit called Healing Haiti.

Two suitcases full of running shoes, a small carry-on full of clothes, and a back-pack full of power-bars, cameras, and personal items sit waiting patiently for the 3:30 AM ride to the airport where they will be jetted across the states to soon make their way to a small little country, Haiti. It's hard for me to believe that the trip is finally here--the trip I have been plotting, planning, and dreaming about since my last journey to Haiti ended. While a rush of excitement runs through my bones, a sense of anxiety shivers down my spine and reaches nearly every nerve in my body. It's a feeling of mixed emotions. I am leaving my world of comfort, pleasure, and security.. leaving behind my family, my friends, and my never ending jobs. I am trading them all in for three weeks of uncomfortableness, and extreme poverty.

My haitian prayer for our heart-breaking journey: Father God, I ask that you watch over us as we embark on an activity that will provide essential resources to our Brothers and Sisters of Haiti. Please open our eyes, our ears, and our hearts to doing your will. Help us to be open to You and the experiences we encounter-- shape us, use us and mend us into the people You have called us to be!

Darren Kittleson

Hi, I’m Darren Kittleson and I’m excited that life has allowed me to join this mission trip. How did I get here? I’m a real estate broker in Madison, WI and a trainer for Keller Williams Realty. Last year I met Paulette Carroll doing the BOLD course that I train around North America. From the beginning I could see the passion in Paulette as she spoke of all the wonderful work Healing Haiti is doing in the country. At that time I thought “good for you” and didn’t give it much more thought.

In January of this year I was training BOLD in Portland Maine. One of my students who does work in Haiti with Partners in Development (PID) asked if she could bring a young Haitian man to the class with her for the weeks he was in New England studying business. I said of course and that’s how I met Woodeman Joseph. Woodeman is a young Haitian who was allowed out of Haiti for 3 weeks to study business in the U.S. under the guidance of PID. He and I had a chance to get to know each other and over lunch 2 days he shared with me the work he was doing and the challenges he was facing in Haiti. After my second lunch with Woodeman it hit me---I needed to see what he was describing myself. In doing so I got clarity that a mission trip with Healing Haiti was exactly how I could contribute in my little way. I contacted Paulette and the team she was taking on July 4th week fit perfectly with my break in schedule from the BOLD training I do. I committed.

Since that time it’s been amazing how many opportunities I’ve had to learn more about the challenges in this country as well as the outpouring of support I’ve been able to receive from my friends and family. To say I’m anxious to get there is an understatement. Knowing this week will be life changing brings that anxiousness and staying open in my heart as to where I can take this experience to help even more is the opportunity I’m very excited about. I know I will be forever changed during this experience and look forward to what I can do to help the people and children of Haiti not only in the week ahead but for years to come.